Vulnerability
In writing their stories, I found a common bond and internal strength. As I stood in front of this crowd, I realized I shared the same emotion they did when they started their journeys, stepping out of their comfort zones, and attacking their vulnerabilities head on.
One month ago I stood in front of 50 dads at The Francis Parker School for my first public speaking engagement. I had never had the opportunity to speak so formally and as the event approached I started to feel the doubt creep in. I did some freewriting and the speech started to take shape. I started writing the stories of some of the people I have had the privilege of coaching over the years. I told them about Bob Manning losing 75 pounds, Phil Arrington recovering from a stroke, Chris Madsen tackling osteoperisis, Andrea Ibanez’s recovery after her first pregnancy, and Sam Assael’s recovery from double back surgery. In writing their stories, I found a common bond and internal strength. As I stood in front of this crowd, I realized I shared the same emotion they did when they started their journeys, stepping out of their comfort zones, and attacking their vulnerabilities head on.
I am not a “public speaker,” but attacking vulnerabilities with action opens the world to new opportunities and personal growth.
My entire life people have looked at me through a lens, fixed terms: “athlete,” “coach,” “husband,” “student,” etc, that provide a context to the message I am delivering. When I was an athlete, coaches told me what to eat, how to train, and how to play when we got to game day. As my athletic career came to an end and I became a coach everything changed. I was now in control of the message. I learned to relay information, developed a style, and a message to connect with athletes. Every transition takes time, patience, and a lot of becoming comfortable feeling vulnerable before you develop confidence in your new role.
Recently, Paula Santos and I flew to the American Open in Reno, NV. where she competed against the 12 strongest 58kg women in the country. As we walked into the warm up area, we were surrounded by Hall of Fame weightlifting coaches, World Team members, and that feeling kicks in your stomach. It is impossible not to feel vulnerable at the collective resume and accomplishments of those athletes and coaches. But they are not me, I am learning, and to have an athlete like Paula trust and learn from me is more important in the process than winning everything. Developing the mindset to accomplish your goals often comes with a few setbacks. If they are viewed through the lens of learning, these setbacks are the best lessons. Often, the hardest part of becoming great is believing that you belong amongst the best.
I may not be the greatest “coach” in the world, but I am constantly learning, and if you listen, I think I can make you a better athlete.
Four years ago I started writing articles for our website. When I started writing, every time I published an article, that feeling in the pit of my stomach would take over. It would kill me wondering if it was “good.” As the years pass and the more I write, I do not care if they are “good” as much I care that they are authentic to who I am and how I feel. I began to realize that my battle with my vulnerabilities was nothing more than an insecurity of living up to other people’s expectations of “good.”
After speaking at Francis Parker, I kept writing, and I started interviewing these people so they could tell about their struggles and successes. The stories of Bob, Chris, Phil, Andrea, Sam, and the systems we have used to change their lives needs to be told.
Over the past month, I have begun the process of writing a book. That same vulnerable feeling in the pit of my stomach has left me very hesitant to tell people outside of my inner circle. Every time I would tell someone I felt like a pompous asshole. There was something about, “I am writing a book,” that made me feel like that sentence was telling a story that I was not able to live up to. But, these five people have molded the way I view the world. I never set out to write a book but they continuously inspire me to face my vulnerabilities head on.
I am not an “author,” but I have a viewpoint, a community of people that support and inspire me to push myself, and their stories have to be told.
When you look in the mirror, you see a fixed object. For Bob, Sam, Andrea, Phil, and Chris Madsen, they were fat, feeble, and stroke victims. But inside they saw what they could be and decided they wanted that more than the person they were today. It is a scary conversation to have with yourself admitting you are not presenting your best self. Actively seeking change is even scarier. It requires you to admit to your friends, family, and coworkers that the “You” they have known for so long is unhappy, unhealthy, and ready for change. There is vulnerability telling the world that you want more. These people have looked in the mirror and faced that vulnerability head on. They do not mindlessly allow the world to come to them. They have transformed their lives and developed a default set of actions that give them the power to choose their own fate.
You are not a fixed object. You can make better decisions, stand for something, and develop default switches that empower you to attack vulnerabilities and give you the freedom to create a new you.
Good for Everything,
Anders
